Three poems.
Ten views.
Five likes?
At this rate, I'll have a grandson…
and I still won't be like Veena auntie.
If Sebi uncle finds a half-decent guy--
We still have six months.
Appan said he won't do anything until graduation.
-Influencers, how are you guys? -Look at this.
There are two types of viral videos.
One, instant viral.
Like the peanut song.
The peanut vendor one.
It went viral within two hours of being uploaded.
And the peanut vendor became a millionaire overnight.
Thanks to his subscribers.
Within no time.
And the second is the slow and steady kind.
Like Crazy Dubey.
Crazy Dubey has been uploading videos for three years.
After working hard for over three years,
he finally reached three million subscribers.
And my video is also for the "slow and steady" ones.
Because my situation is the same as the "slow and steady" one.
Even though I'd like to be instantly viral.
There are three basic rules to becoming an internet star.
First, think out of the box.
Second, listen to your viewers.
And don't hesitate to collaborate with new people.
Last and most importantly,
"Do what has to be done tomorrow, today. And what has to be done today, now."
Those who wait till tomorrow to implement their ideas
will find their dream of becoming an influencer shift to the day after.
Okay, friends. Get to work.
See you. Take care.
People make videos like this as well?
The internet has everything.
Like Myna's heart-touching poems.
That no one listens to.
There is one.
This is a historic moment.
Myna's first comment.
An instant beginning to your slow and steady.
Show me!
-Not like this! -Cynthu!
You'll have to pay a price.
Cynthu, don't blackmail me! Show me!
I'll kill you!
I'll kill you--
Mariam!
Boys!
128GB.
For you.
Vatsala!
Come.
It's your boy, Laddoo!
I want something like this.
Like this… something.
Wow. It's called beatboxing, Abba.
But I can play better patterns on my drum.
Dhol Dada,
Let us talk.
Rafi.
I explain.
We even play the drums in a modern style now, Dada.
I don't think you can handle it.
Dad, I not think they able.
Wait, son. They are experienced people.
-They can do it. -Yes. He's absolutely right.
Dhol Dada , don't you sing the tabla notes anyway?
Just do it like that.
His teeth are loose because of chewing too much tobacco.
When he speaks loudly, two pop out to say hello.
If he tries this, all thirty-two will march out.
Holy shit!
Can I try?
Bareek.
Let Robo hear it once,
he'll get all the notes.
There are no notes! That's the point.
There's only…
swag.
I don't do anything that doesn't have music in it.
There is music, Robo.
If only you understood this modern-style rap.
It's pure music.
Words come one after the other,
like the bogies of an engine.
Coming-going Eating-drinking
Chameleon, vermilion, pavilion
Very hard! Very hard!
-Very hard! -Yeah!
Mr. Gupta, don't let your future daughter-in-law see these antics.
She'll never forgive you.
Robo, why don't you admit
that this new kind of music, this rap…
You have no idea about it. You not know.
Calling yourself the New Modern Band doesn't make you modern.
If you don't learn this new style,
you'll be out begging in the streets.
Mr. Gupta, can I talk to Laddoo alone?
Yes. Laddoo.
Of course, Dad.
It's your boy, Laddoo! Decipher!
Fuck that shit!
Laddoo, we know your father well, that's why we're not saying anything.
Otherwise, I'd be singing at your wake not your wedding.
But, Robo, this is what the youth like.
You're a youth?
Then why are you ordering those pills from that doctor in Indore?
Has your youth dried up?
Who told you this?
Because Robo Bhaiya takes his pills too.
To calm his youth down.
-My youth doesn't listen. -Doesn't listen.
Laddoo Bhaiya, you focus on your wedding…
and let an artist do his job.
I was disheartened…
Hey, Robo, you lover boy…
I cried my eyes out
Why…
-Oh, Robo. -Why don't you say something?
Discipline him.
He's right.
What's music without music?
Bullshit man, what fuck?
Dad, these old-style singers can't do it.
-They're known for their work-- -Please stand up! Dad, please stand up!
-Please stand up. Dad, please stand up! -Listen to me!
Listen to me.
They're experienced people. They'll manage.
-Laddoo Bhaiya . -Come on.
Okay, Ismail Bhai, I'll call you once I'm home.
He's right.
Why don't you admit that he's your real son,
and you picked me off the streets?
What…
THANK YOU FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO SERVE
Avrachan John.
Chetta?
He has a job in Delhi.
Ministry of Agriculture.
He's been given a government quarter.
Mariam. Come here.
Come here.
Stand there.
He's a regular at the Parliament.
Take the stool.
He's saying he'll show you the Parliament.
Straight.
What car does he drive?
This.
Average.
What do you say?
He's alright, sir.
Jiggy, if you want to go home, then you can.
Why?
He's part of the family.
Stay.
Okay, sir.
Sebi.
Yes, Chetta.
Show us the boys you have chosen for Priya.
They are…
The boys you've chosen for Priya… Show us.
They aren't that different than these.
This is Mathew. He's an orphan.
Nice boy.
Has a small job in the US.
And?
And… that's Ronnie.
He runs a departmental store in the Gulf.
-Who is that? -A small store.
That's Ronnie's…
No, no, this one.
Oh… Yes, him.
He's Roysten.
He's an investment banker in Dubai.
It's just his mother.
The elder sister is married.
He has a four-acre farmhouse in Trichy.
Sir, it's written down there.
-Yes, a small four-acre farmhouse. -Sir, I…
I want him.
Sebi.
Yes, Chetta.
I want him.
The guy from the Ministry of Agriculture?
No, no. Him.
Roysten.
Yes. Roysten.
Chettathi, he wants to get married next month.
Then how is it possible?
She's got her exams in May.
Yes.
So?
What's the problem?
She can write her exam after the wedding.
Sebi?
Remember?
Even she took her exams after marriage.
-Right? -Yes.
Yes!
What's the problem?
Actually…
-I… -Do you have a problem?
I…
Nonsense. Can't even talk.
-Chetta-- -Sebi, no problem.
Roysten wants a traditional girl who is fluent in Malayalam.
Since I stayed back in Kerala, Priya learned it by default.
Mariam is cosmopolitan.
She knows more than one culture.
She writes poetry.
She obeys her mother-father. She's God-fearing.
What more do they want?
We will…
present Mariam and Priya both.
There's no difference for me.
Mariam is my responsibility as well.
Jiggy.
Organize a photographer.
Okay.
For Sunday.
You wear a sari.
Jiggy.
Before mass, take a photo of her lighting a candle.
And then we'll…
-Roysten. -Yes.
We'll send the picture to Roysten's mother.
Let both Mariam and Priya apply.
And we'll see who gets lucky. Right?
-Chetta, that's not possible-- -Shut up!
Sir.
Shall I leave?
-Go. -Thank you, sir.
-Organize the photographer. -Okay, sir.
You don't want our happiness?
You have such arrogance about your money?
Bloody vanilla farmer!
If it wasn't for the vanilla farm,
you would be wasting away at a toddy shop!
Just because of your fate, you have everything.
Thank your fate.
Your God!
If only you had learned Malayalam…
it would have fixed your speech.
-Let me re-heat this. -No!
Rose had…
said…
he will create problems.
He has always created problems in my life.
Your father.
Myna has to become successful.
If only we could read the comments.
Let's read them now.
Uncle Seb's phone.
And the password?
Who's the genius?
I unlocked it for him.
Criminal mind.
First comment. "Nice poem."
"Reading is so-so."
Another comment.
"Add some music.
If it becomes a song, I'll click on the like."
They're all from different accounts.
Oh, God. Now how do I add the music?
It's a feedback. It's a positive sign.
People only give suggestions when they like something.
So much drama.
Why are the lights still on in your room?
Do I have to remind you every day?
Who do we collaborate with?
Joseph sir from church.
Worship…
Every Sunday, he plays bridge with Appan. He'll tell him.
Wakankar!
The Maraach one?
No.
Soni madam's son. Rocky.
O beloved, wherever Wherever… wherever you look
Wherever you look, you will see me
They're Jiggy's friends. We can't risk that.
It's all risky.
Mariam, how will you become the next superstar?
Nasreen, is it done?
Yes.
Nasreen di ?
It's not that good, but it'll do the job.
Works!
And it has an internet connection.
Listen?
How can I live…
Stop it!
-Without you? -What is this?
Stop this!
-How can I live… -This is utter nonsense!
Shut him up!
Without you?
Someone stop him!
-Not a moment of peace… -Turn it off. Don't make me get off.
-He'll do it. -Turn it off.
-Without you? -He'll do it.
He'll do it. Turn it off.
I…
How can I live…
Without you?
How can I live…
It's not my father's funeral.
Stop it, asshole!
You call this a wedding?
Do they sing these kinds of songs?!
Stop this nonsense!
Next song…
He's turned my wedding into a funeral!
The song is coming.
Get lost bloody two rupees village people!
Take your shitty band and get out of here!
-He'll sing… -Get lost!
No food for any of them!
Bloody nonsense! Bullshit! Fucker!
He's turned his wedding into a funeral.
Why isn't the procession moving?
Because she lives up there.
-Who? -The divine note one.
You only said… make him fall in love.
Now he's in love. Deal with it.
So now he'll have us sent to jail?
A 1975 model truck is dreaming of a 2000 model scooter?
-He'll get us all killed. -Robo, you idiot.
Get him out of this romantic nonsense, understood?
-Go! -Wait a minute.
-This is not done. -Go to hell!
Sometimes you tell me to mess around with his horoscope.
-Then you ask me to change it again-- -Listen.
I'll move all the stars around in your damned horoscope.
Do you get it?
I'll fire you right now.
Just do as I say.
Hey! Get this procession going!
Hey, Rafi!
Rafi Bhaiya, sometimes you tell me to do this.
Sometimes you tell me to do that.
That's not how it works.
We want to bring in the new corporate culture, right?
That's how it works there.
I'll give it to you in writing, Manoj.
I'll strip this idiot naked. Or my name isn't Laddoo.
Have you seen enough?
Embarrassed enough?
Now we will do as I say, Abba.
Come out and deal with this mess.
What is corporate culture?
How do I live…
We have one.
Robo Bhaiya ?
Appan will never suspect.
But can he do the music?
I'm sure. He's such a big star of Ratlam.
There must be something special about his music.
Remember what he said in the video. Collaborate and take risks.
Think out of the box.
Mimi, you are getting desperate.
-We should be slow and steady-- -We don't have time.
We'll have to take the peanut vendor route.
And this sari is so nice.
Even if you wrap a goat in this, some NRI will marry her.
Mom!
-Yes? -I can't tie this sari.
You can call me after you're married as well.
Coming!
But how will you meet Robo Bhaiya?
And when?
You're the smart one. Think of something.
You couldn't attain something you desired.
But you will keep trying.
It charges your mind. Prayer.
What does it do?
Which charge?
I am in the church.
I'm in the church.
Imagine you prayed for two hours.
Your mind is charged spiritually.
Now you are spiritually praying.
Right?
And imagine your mind…
I'm in the church Sharma-ji.
…is spiritually charged for 20 hours.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
And even if you don't pray for 40 hours…
I'll just get it done. Right away, yes.
Continue praying… Continue to progress.
The pump is still on.
Mariam.
The pump for the upstairs tank is still on.
The water is overflowing into Mr. Sharma's place.
Go turn it off quickly.
Quietly.
Amen. We'll stay blessed.
I had switched it off.
Have a blessed life.
Did you switch it on again?
Amen.
My queen, my beloved
Rahu. Tell me an auspicious time for me to declare my love.
I can't wait any longer.
Whenever you propose to her, she'll reject you to your face.
To your face.
Why?
It says here in your horoscope. Clearly.
See?
But didn't this also say she's my love?
Yes, that too. But this is also written.
I didn't notice it earlier because it was written in small print.
What a strange, confused horoscope.
Because it's yours.
All the stars are singing their own different tunes.
Imagine!
Forget the stars.
I will say "I love you, do you love me?" to her.
I'll deal with whatever happens.
Robo Bhaiya, you are destined for love, but only one-sided.
As soon as you say I love you to her, you will lose your divine note.
Then you won't be able to sing.
And if you stop singing, then your sixteen band members,
their families, your nine doggies, their families,
all will be out on the street.
Robo Bhaiya, you should enjoy the joys of one-sided love.
And let the stars do their job.
Got it?
And…
what if she shows up here on her own?
Sure, then you can openly express your love.
Rahu?
You were going great all the way,
why did you mess up in the end?
-Where did I mess up? -Didn't you just say…
"If she shows up here then you can openly express your love!"
Bhaiya , even if we align all the stars,
that will never happen.
The sun can set in the east,
but Mariam will never show up at his doorstep.
-She's here. -Who?
Mariam is here. Keep the door closed.
Where can I find Robo-ji?
Hello.
-Who is it, Rahu? -My misfortune.
Come in.
Yes.
What the--
-What happened? -Coming.
He's coming.
Sit.
No, thank you.
Sitting canceled.
-Some tea, then. Rahu? -No, I don't drink tea.
Tea canceled.
Actually, my name is Mariam.
I write poems.
I needed your help.
Can you compose music for my poem?
Of course.
I even have a channel on the internet.
Give it.
Can you write it down, please?
Write it down, quickly.
Please.
The pump for the upstairs tank is still on.
The water is overflowing into Mr. Sharma's place.
"I may be wrong, not right.
I may be an illusion, not reality."
Look towards Father.
Don't smile. Don't smile.
"I am like a hot air balloon."
Thank you.
"Like a fountain without water.
I will glow, I will shine.
I will shine as me.
Every part, every piece.
Every word, every sonnet… I shall carry with me.
-Like a glass bird." -Greetings, Uncle.
-"Like a doll made of wax." -Uncle…
Where can I find Robo-ji?
"I might be like an unbaked pot.
If I am not me, I am no one.
If I am not me, then I am nothing.
I may be wrong, not right."
-Very good. -Wrong, wrong, wrong.
It's good.
Rahu, check my horoscope too.
When were you born?
If I knew that, I wouldn't be blowing my horn.
1857. His father was in Bahadur Shah Zafar's army.
-Check mine. -Mine too.
What is this nonsense?
I'm trying to make a song here.
The poem was written by a girl.
It should be sung by a lady.
-Do you see any lady here? -No, Bhaiya .
-Do you? -No.
Nonsense.
There's that girl, right? The Anuradha Paudwal of Ratlam?
-Let's get her to sing it. -Yes.
Who?
That…
Binni Maheshwari?
-Right. -Yes.
Great.
Fantastic.
Sharma-ji, give me a note.
I am like a hot air balloon
Like a big balloon
Like a fountain without water
Like a big fountain
I'll splash and shine
Every part, every piece
Every word, every sonnet
I shall carry with me
Like a glass bird Like a doll made of wax
I might be like an unbaked pot
If I am not me, I am no one
If I am not me, then I am nothing
My voice.
Balloon…
Fountain…
Balloon…
Fountain…
I'll splash… I'll shine…
How do you like my song?
My love's written this song
Sing it…
Amazing.
Very nice.
-Great, isn't it? -It's great.
Thank you.
He stayed up all night to make it.
This is Binni Maheshwari-ji.
The Anuradha Paudwal-ji of Ratlam.
-Sir. -It's okay, no need.
That's her husband. Billu Bhaiya .
He has a computer and internet.
You should upload the song.
-Upload it, upload it. Don't waste time. -Yes, upload it.
It's an auspicious time.
Don't think too much. Just do it. You only have five seconds.
Five, four, three, two, one…
-It's done. It's done. -It's done!
-Superb. -That's great!
Very nice, excellent!
Congratulations on the beginning of this new collaboration.
-Sit. -Yes.
-Here. -No, thank you.
No, hold the plate.
Congratulations. First viral video.
It will go viral.
Prepare to give autographs.
This is for you.
I can't take this home.
When will I get a new song?
Soon.
My notes are…
-Alright. -Let's go?
Okay, thank you.
-My plate. -Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
What was that?
That didn't work.
Where is that two rupees singer?
How can I live…
Without you?
Stop!
You tried to turn my wedding into a funeral, isn't it?
Robo!
I put your singing career in the grave.
I dig your grave!
And now look at this.
How can I live…
And now this video
will be watched by the whole town!
And then they'll say that Laddoo took his revenge on the arrogant Robo.
I took revenge!
It will look real hard!
Real hard, my dear Robo!
But Bhaiya , who performed this miracle?
How can I live…
Abba , this, this, this! This is the sound the youth wants!
We'll find the one who did this.
Now throw this Robo out. We don't need this white elephant.
-You just shoot your mouth off-- -I'm not listening to you anymore!
Rahu. Bareek.
Find out who is responsible for this digital disrespect!
Go!
What were you doing that for?
-We'll all lose our jobs. -That remix was solid!
He was doing something like this.
Yes.
What is this " gubba-gubba" ?
I made a huge mistake.
Maybe people will like it.
He's a big star.
Are you out of your mind?
Is it about them liking it or us?
Money.
Money is more important than good or bad.
My heart burns, my soul burns There's a mist under my eyes
My heart burns, my soul burns…
My heart…
Stop!
My heart…
Come, Bhaiya .
This…
If our poem can have music like this…
then there's no stopping us.
Psycho?
That DJ lives in this barsaati.
The one who ruined your song.
This music is fascinating.
How many artists are in his band?
One man only!
-It's called cool music. -Shut up.
-Why would you say that? -Covered in a mist
Rahu, what does the horoscope say?
The horoscope?
It says…
you're screwed.
Meaning?
Robo Bhaiya , beat me with a stick, beat me with a shoe,
but listen to me carefully.
The love house in your horoscope is threatened by a snake.
Means?
This means some black snake will keep you away from your love.
-African snake. Black mamba. -Yeah.
Rahu, you ass…
Do you read the future or the past?
You tell me everything late.
I'll tell you what's going to happen.
For the sake of his divine note, Robo will crush the head of this serpent.
Be it a white mamba or a pink one!
He's a black mamba.
Shut up.
It's rocking, it's rocking.
I want this music.
My heart burns, my soul burns…
We have to meet this psycho.
My heart burns, my soul burns There's a mist under my eyes
What are you doing here?
Poem.
We came for the next poem.
My notes are getting restless. Can we get a new poem?
On this terrace?
Wasn't the song good?
No, it was really good.
Maybe my poem was bad.
Myna didn't get any likes.
And without likes our collaboration has no meaning.
Look, Robo-ji, I'll come see you.
But you shouldn't come here like this.
I got scared.
Sorry.
It's okay.
- Bhaiya. -Yes?
I think your chances of making her my sister-in-law are diminishing.
Shut up.
Tell me, how do we get down?
The same way we came up.
The excitement got me up, but now I'm nervous.
Be brave, Bhaiya .
One leg…
Bhaiya!
Are you alright?
Is it hurting?
Not more than a broken heart.
Thanks God.
You didn't die for love.
My heart burns, my soul burns There's a mist under my eyes